Finding Common Ground: 6 Communication Techniques for Conflict Resolution
As our world becomes more connected, we will encounter people with different ideas and opinions. This means that disagreements and conflicts will arise from time to time. However, how you handle these conflicts says a lot about your character and communication skills.
Unfortunately, we often witness conflicts turn into angry confrontations or even violence. It is common for this kind of behavior to occur as an unhealthy expression of masculinity, which has harmful consequences for individuals and society as a whole. Fortunately, there are healthier expressions of masculinity when it comes to conflict resolution.
To navigate conflicts effectively, we can learn from principles and lessons found in books on negotiation, political conversations, and contentious issues. These valuable resources offer strategies and tools to help us resolve conflicts through non-violent methods such as communication.
Here are 6 methods to resolve conflict peacefully:
Name the Difference
I recently attended a workshop on bridgebuilding tactics in interfaith cooperation. One of the strategies discussed was called “Name the Difference.” Often, in conversations about contentious or sensitive topics, people talk at one another rather than truly engaging with one another. Each side might interpret the same words differently, leading to misunderstandings.
To address this, the “Name the Difference” strategy encourages us to pause during the conversation and explicitly acknowledge the difference at hand. For example, we might say, “I am noticing that we may have different definitions of cultural appropriation” in a heated conversation about cultural borrowing. Each person will share their definition and thus, communication gaps are clarified.
No matter what the topic of conversation is - when we “Name the Difference”, we utilize communication to ensure that everyone is on the same page. It helps de-escalate conflicts and improve understanding between all parties, fostering a more productive and meaningful dialogue.
Tactical Empathy
The book Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, introduces the concept of tactical empathy. Tactical empathy is understanding the feelings and mindset of the other person and getting to the root of the emotions. It can be a powerful tool in negotiation, giving you the upper hand to influence outcomes and reach agreements. However, it is also valuable in de-escalating conflicts, as it helps you understand the other person’s perspective and emotional barriers at play.
Tactical empathy utilizes a physiological process called neural resonance or neural mirroring. Neural resonance is a neurological process that enables us to connect with the emotions, intentions, and actions of others. When we closely observe someone experiencing an emotion, our mirror neurons are activated. Our brain stimulates similar neural patterns as the person we are watching. Thus, neural resonance allows us to cognitively and emotionally empathize with the other person.
Tactical empathy and embracing neural resonance help us become more skilled at resolving conflicts by utilizing their emotions to inform how we respond to them.
Take Off Your Political Party Jersey
In conversations, conflicts often arise when we touch on politically sensitive topics such as reproductive rights, climate change, or vaccines. People tend to become defensive and stick to their pre-established beliefs, ready with talking points to counter opposing viewpoints.
The book I Think You’re Wrong (but I’m Listening) by Beth Silvers and Sarah Stewart Holland, who are authors and political commentators on the popular podcast “Pantsuit Politics”, introduces the concept of political party jerseys – a fandom that one has for their political party similar to their favorite sports team. Therefore, when people engage in political conversations, they speak on behalf of their political parties instead of their own belief systems.
To overcome this, it is important to take off your political party jersey during these conversations. It’s helpful to understand your own values and emotions surrounding a particular topic. When we do this, we can question whether the political party’s stance truly represents our full beliefs on a specific topic. By reflecting on our values, we can better engage in conversations with our fellow community members instead of deeming them as representatives of the opposing team that we are in competition with.
Labeling
The book Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It also introduces a concept called labeling, which is a form of active listening. It involves giving a name to someone’s emotions and showing them that you understand how they feel. You take an active role in listening by saying phrases such as “It sounds like…” or “It seems like…” and then repeating what you heard.
If you understand the person correctly, they will agree and feel heard. If not, they will correct you. You can use this method as an opportunity to clarify communication. By labeling negative emotions, you can diffuse them. By labeling positive emotions, you reinforce them. This method is similar to the “Name the Difference” method, but the latter identifies communication gaps and the former focuses on the emotions arising during the conversation.
For example, if you are discussing religious theologies with someone and they get angry, you might say, “It seems like this conversation about religion is upsetting you” to address the emotions at play. This approach helps the person adjust their emotional expression or explain why they feel that way. When you use this method, make it clear that you are interpreting their emotions and seeking confirmation, not speaking on their behalf.
Be a Talk Show Host
Another interesting tactic that I encountered in the book I Think You Are Wrong (but I’m Listening) is to be a talk show host. Silvers and Stewart Holland discuss how embracing your inner talk show host by being curious may help you when you find it hard to connect with someone after employing all the other conflict resolution tactics.
In order to become a talk show host when these conflicts or disagreements arise, you must abandon your need to “win.” You must become genuinely interested in understanding the person by asking lots of questions. Your goal is not to respond or push your own point of view but to do research as if you are preparing to tell a story about how this person’s belief system operates. You may not be able to resolve the conflict, but this approach can be used to de-escalate the conflict and form a better understanding.
Invent Options for Mutual Gain
The book Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by William Ury and Roger Fisher, experts in the fields of negotiation and mediation, discussed the concept of inventing options for mutual gain. Oftentimes, people believe there is only one right answer and come into conversations with assumptions. Ury and Fisher state that both parties should separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging them. Invent all the options possible that could benefit both parties, then decide on which ones are possible later.
By searching for options, you allow both parties to understand what they truly want out of the conversation. You work as a team to take shared interests and formulate them as shared goals. When both parties gain something, the conflict can be resolved.
There are numerous strategies beyond the ones listed above on how to resolve conflicts. If we want to create a world where people are skilled at defusing and de-escalating conflicts successfully, we should start applying these tactics in our daily lives. By demonstrating to others how to effectively resolve conflicts through communication, we can lead by example and inspire positive change in our communities.