From Boys to Men: Embracing the 7 Pillars of Healthy Masculinity
During my interviews with men on their experiences with masculinity from diverse cultural perspectives, I had the chance to meet James, a Pentecostal man. When James was young, he regularly attended his church. One day, while at the church, he overheard a group of slightly older boys proudly discussing their “sexual conquests” using vulgar language. When the boys turned to James and asked him to contribute to their conversation, the easier path for him would have been to conform, inventing a story just to fit in.
It is natural for young boys to seek validation from older male peers. By observing the behaviors and imitating the actions of their older peers, younger boys gain acceptance. Unfortunately, for many boys like James, these modeled behaviors form their sense of masculinity.
Thankfully, James stood as an exception. When confronted with the invitation to join in, he took a moment to reflect on his values and the type of man he aspired to be. Instead of yielding to peer pressure, he respectfully declined the invitation.
James’ story is often tough to replicate. It is challenging to decline an invitation that essentially demands one to defend their masculinity. Even if a boy like James were to refuse to participate, the other group of boys might not accept the refusal so easily.
Our society needs men of all ages to embody a healthier framework for their masculinity, serving as role models for the many young boys who closely observe their actions, knowingly or not. The group of boys discussing their sexual experiences using vulgar language in James’ church likely learned that such language was acceptable from older male peers as well.
Most men were not socialized with a healthy masculinity framework at a young age. Therefore, we must embark on an unlearning process together. We need to unlearn the outdated and unhealthy norms that do not serve us or harm us and others.
What is Healthy Masculinity?
Healthy masculinity is a social and cultural construct that encompasses the characteristics, behaviors, and roles typically associated with men and male-identified individuals, but it prioritizes health and well-being. It stands as a response to traditional masculinity, which emphasizes traits like strength, assertiveness, stoicism, dominance, and self-reliance. While these traits are not inherently negative, problems arise when they override individual and community health and well-being.
Theoretically and academically, we understand what healthy masculinity represents. The next step is to visualize what it looks like in practice. Fortunately, organizations such as A CALL TO MEN and Equimundo have already begun this work. I have compiled a list of 7 pillars of healthy masculinity. To make it easier to remember, think of the word “E.M.B.R.A.C.E”, each letter representing a pillar of healthy masculinity.
Emotional Expression
Research has shown that young boys are often not taught how to access all their emotions, with anger being the only acceptable emotion that boys are not shamed for having. The limited emotional range contributes to a variety of health issues. Healthy masculinity encourages boys and men to have access to all their emotions, allowing them to live healthier lives.
Mental and Physical Health
In a report by the Pan American Health Organization, 1 out of 5 men will not reach the age of 50 in the Americas due to issues with masculinity. Traditional masculinity often shames men for seeking help, portraying it as a sign of weakness. When boys and men avoid seeking help for mental and physical health issues, they are unable to live healthy lives. Healthy masculinity reframes seeking help as a courageous act and emphasizes the importance of self-care activities in managing stress.
Break Stereotypes
Traditional masculinity often perpetuates harmful stereotypes based on gender, sexual orientation, race, and more. When boys and men hold onto these stereotypes, it negatively impacts the health and well-being of their loved ones and communities. Healthy masculinity calls for men to challenge and break these stereotypes, advocating for their loved ones and communities.
Respect for Others
Healthy masculinity promotes open communication, active listening, empathy, and engaging in dialogue with others. When boys and men value and respect the perspectives and experiences of others, they foster respectful relationships that are vital for a healthy society.
Active Fatherhood and Caregiving
Men who are fathers are encouraged to play an active role in their children’s lives and support their partners in caregiving activities. Many fathers have not been actively involved in their children’s lives or caregiving due to gender roles and expectations perpetuated by traditional masculinity. This absence of positive male role models deprives young boys of important examples. Being an involved father is a crucial aspect of healthy masculinity.
Conflict Resolution through Communication
Traditional masculinity often relies on anger and violence as methods of “resolving” conflicts, which proves harmful to both sides. Healthy masculinity emphasizes peaceful conflict resolution through effective communication and dialogue.
Elimination of Unhealthy Social Norms
On a societal level, more men need to adopt this framework for healthy masculinity, challenging and shifting unhealthy norms expressed by other men. Men have a responsibility to share healthier approaches to living life and prioritizing communal well-being with one another, leading to a more functional and healthier society.
It’s essential to note that these pillars are not exhaustive, and as time goes on, we may discover other aspects of traditional masculinity that need to change. We must also explore how these pillars of healthy masculinity can be applied to nuanced situations in our daily lives as well as how these pillars differ from femininity. We may not have all the answers right now, but one thing is certain – by embracing these 7 pillars, we are creating a more respectful, equitable, and healthy society for everyone to live in.